Monday, September 13, 2004

jots from an insane tortoise

I entered Sunday lying flat faced on the dirty ground that is filled with evenly scattered debris. Having some shortness of breath with a mind full of scintillas of memories did not help much either. I tried to move away but even moving my limp arm proves hard. There's a huge boulder of some sort sitting on my back. It's invisible though, but that's what it feels like.

I was told recently that I'm an introvert. That I do not share and open up. Well in certain aspects I would say so that it's true. But so is everyone else. Doesn't that applies to every single person as well? Instead, do you tell every single damn thing about yourself and would answer any single question with detailed answers not holding back? Where's privacy then? Are you saying you live life without privacy? I really doubt so. Certain issues that I do not wish to tell you but tell others does not justify me being an introvert.

I couldn't dictate how the clouds are forming and neither what the wavering breeze is all about. I just look at the soles of my feet with droopy eyes and wait with hopes that they do not bleed. Trembling sometimes I am when I cannot distinguish what to pursue between desire and practicality, between temporary and long defining period. Shall I leave all this to the fate and karma brothers? Somehow I think that the brothers do exist in some way for I believe I do not end up where I am purely by my decisions and choices that I made.

Now, why in the hell RedBox does not have Dong Li Huo Che - Na Jiu Je Yang Ba. My repetoire is seriously limited when my literacy level of chinese is somewhat around standard 1.