Sunday, November 16, 2003

Melancholic Mind

My uncle just passed away yesterday night. He is my mother's elder brother. This news came to me when I reached home around 3AM. My mom said "Your uncle died in a car accident". Silent I was at then, I went into my room to rest with no thoughts whatsoever.

This morning when I woke up, my parents were not in their bedrooms. I received a call later from my mom mandated me to take care of my 3 younger brothers and bring them out for breakfast. OK. The reality sense of this situation is proliferating. I was callous yet feeling rueful. When my youngest brother woke up. I told him about this news. He is 12 years old. He thought I was joking. When I told him, No, I'm not joking. It's the truth. Why could you not accept it as a fact? He said "It is not a fact so I cannot believe it". I said "It was a fact so you must believe it, I'm seriously not joking". He said "No, it's not". Eventhough this news has disseminated to him, he just couldn't accept it. He told me, "If you cry then I'll believe it" challenging me with a smile.

Today has been a very thought provoking day for me. I suddenly felt this predicament has turned me into a philanthrophist of some kind. Money has lost its importance at the moment. I do not seek to be rich for today. My uncle was 46 years old. He owns 2 shops, a double storey terrace house and one wira. He was going through a difficult period of family problems and the idea of divorce. He just left everything behind now. I feel human is extremely fragile. I lost hope for what is known to be "long term investment". I feel that we should be happy everday until our day comes.

The funeral is yet to be conducted. Till that day comes, I am sure this weird state of mind for today is going to be significantly emphasized. I hope things will result to normal. Everyone will get on with their own life again just like 2 days ago. But is that constant thinking of becoming a successful person in financial terms are to be termed as normal life? Or is the vigilance for everyday life and enjoyment of everyday life for life is fragile is normal? I am stuck and confused.