Monday, September 27, 2004

washed away

I hate to see the dream that I've been building on gone just like that, like a sand castle being washed away by a wave you think will never reach you. Why does shit happens on a Murphy's law fashion that it has to be the worst possible timing ever. Sometimes I wonder, especially when it hits you, whether planning itself is a joke.

I heard this somewhere, probably from a song, that there is no need to worry at all because in the end it all ends up being nothing at all. But how many of us could really lead life without being worried at all. Being a virgo, a natural worrier, it would be harder for me to do such.

If it's never meant to be, then it's never meant to be from the beginning.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

rain in me

Why does the atmosphere brings along the chillness out of a sudden when it's supposed to be sunny? I stutter and froze in the middle of the road, ignoring oncoming vehicles that were honking out loud and flashing their headlights. Perils of a road accident did not affect me one bit. I stood there with an empty mind holding nothing but just with an unexpected reply. As I regained some control over my legs again, I began to take steps heading home. Step by step I took slowly taking my own time, while holding my jacket around me tightly and eyes fixed to the wet, cold and hard ground. Still no voices to be heard. My steps are getting heavier and slower. I paused for a moment and turn my head sideways. From the corner of my eye, I looked at the very spot. She is no longer there. I share the silence of the night with myself alone that night.

Monday, September 20, 2004

aye, the tyneside

Let me try to post in the many one liner style (or perhaps two or more coz you don't always follow rules, do you) that I'd been noticing on several blogs. On account of that, I shall blog about what swarmed through my mind, albeit surprisingly, when I was about to sleep.

I was taken aback when I just finished my phone call in a telephone booth in Newcastle City Centre. What else can you be in other than that when hordes of people (all guai lou) are surrounding your telephone booth up close. That was somewhat freaky isn't it. I initially thought that I was going to be robbed or whacked, you know, just some ominuous feeling wavering about. But I realised that was not it because I saw the amazement in all of their eyes and their mutterings of "Hey, it's really working" kinda baffled me. They were astonished with the touchscreen public telephone and that it was not a hoax. How pathetic?!

I recall of getting all muddy for playing football on a muddy field in a chilling afternoon with some of the locals there. That's very not me, I know, especially football, that ain't my mojo. Although they were just kids but physically they were of my size. There was this dude, I cannot remember his name. Whenever he scored a goal, he would walk straight up to my face and say "Smell ya later" in thick geordie accent with a cheeky grin. The "mell" is somewhat down pitch while the "ya" is way high up on the pitch scale. And there's this small dude. I think he's about 8-9 years old. Those kids were locals there, so I asked him who is his favourite Newcastle United player. Was it Alan Shearer? He replied. "Shearer sucks!! I think Jenas is good. He's fast". That caught me offguarded and it was hillarious. Oh and by the way, the people there pronounces Shearer as "Sheeerer". Very friendly bunch I must say and they always greet me gleefully whenever I walk pass the field again.

One of my most dreadful moments in Newcastle though was when I had eczema. I'd pay the general hospital there a visit. Err nope, I was not admitted in there thankfully. I simply wandered around that huge maze looking for some GP. I was directed to some male nurse at the outpatient treatment section. It didn't work out. I then visited my own GP to make an appointment. Hell, I needed to wait for like 2 weeks before I get to meet the doc. That time was really suffering. But I managed to heal up abit using hydrocortisol/son/sil that was suggested by a skin specialist friend that I met at a fellowship gathering. When I finally met the GP, he prescribed a stronger steroid and some skin moisturizer. And that's that, all cleared up. The emotional distress, the rashes, the itches, the pain, and the lack of sleep much due to the sensitive skin was really haunting. Phooh.

To carry a mattress along with 3 other guys walking across the town really felt heroic. I think the caucassians who were watching us will be thinking, damn these asians are mad.

While travelling back home in a double decker, I saw a raw bush in the same bus. What's actually shocking is that the bush is black while the owner is a blonde. What has made her to go commando, I don't know. She was clearly inebriated while sitting in a manner only frogs master.

Halloween was pretty interesting. I like the mummie lady, pretty amazing for her to brave the frosty winds in a tissue outfit not to mention the tight fit, it's tissue only anyway. The two girls with 3 foot gimmick was pretty cool as well, they had to align themselves and synchronize their steps. And I also like the Fred Flintstone dude. Fortunately he was corpulent enough to fit the costume and yeah it looked like an oversized dress.

The walk back up from quayside is steeply exhaustive.

I guess I ran out of memorable moments as for now. Till the slight amnesia is gone, I will post again of such moments.

blog no jutsu

Sometimes I think it's right. But more often than not I usually think it's left. Probably I would feel more to myself if it's left or perhaps it's just due to my tendency to have pessimistic thoughts. Even if it's left, could it be bent to the right? To be on the fence is rather confusing. Couldn't things be simply more blatant or we should follow the saying enjoy the ride. But then again, another saying goes by time waits for no man. Man, what crap am I typing? I don't even comprehend this myself. haha.

Goddamn, even having annual leaves is giving me a problem. Damn it. Even my dad rushed me to take my leaves. Erm I guess I did really accumulate quite a number of days and it's now close to year end. I don't think getting a whole month off would be a wise move although it's feasible to me. So I better start planning to pluck those days out from the calendar.

I guess I'm officially hooked to naruto now. This ninja stuff is kinda getting cool again with the way this anime is portraying. Unfortunately I just have not more than eight episodes of the anime and I shall depend on manga for the rest of the episodes. It's quite troublesome and resource taking to download all, so let's just settle with static black and white graphics with no sound. I'm also catching with 2 other titles but again, the word to describe the situation is "wait" and drum my fingers.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

yawn. huh

As usual, I had my pathetic breakfast at the cafeteria, browsed through some news online and had my daily dose of blog reads. Now that I've finished reading all, metamorphosis kicks in and I am goddamn sleepy at the moment. The time now is a quarter to ten and ideally I should be charged up feeling hyper and finish up with my remaining editing works. But I'm goddamn sleepy and I digress. I procrastinate and I blog. By the way, just to crack in an excuse for myself, the fact is that I can't possibly finish my editing works today anyway because the changes that I requested have not been totally done yet by the developers. And I'm too lazy to toggle my language bar to french and english alternatively so that I get to type in the é and è when required.

Something darn stoopid that I'd done yesterday. There was this guy who pressed the 10th floor button while I lit the 11th floor button on the elevator panel. *Ding*. He went out of the lift at 10th floor. Amazingly, so did I. The elevator's door closed and I was dumbfounded for a second. "Eih?". "Diu nia sing ar!" I spoke to myself while I frantically hit the [^] button as many times I could. Luckily nobody saw this and I was safe from embarassment. But I guess something's missing so I blog about it here.

Monday, September 13, 2004

jots from an insane tortoise

I entered Sunday lying flat faced on the dirty ground that is filled with evenly scattered debris. Having some shortness of breath with a mind full of scintillas of memories did not help much either. I tried to move away but even moving my limp arm proves hard. There's a huge boulder of some sort sitting on my back. It's invisible though, but that's what it feels like.

I was told recently that I'm an introvert. That I do not share and open up. Well in certain aspects I would say so that it's true. But so is everyone else. Doesn't that applies to every single person as well? Instead, do you tell every single damn thing about yourself and would answer any single question with detailed answers not holding back? Where's privacy then? Are you saying you live life without privacy? I really doubt so. Certain issues that I do not wish to tell you but tell others does not justify me being an introvert.

I couldn't dictate how the clouds are forming and neither what the wavering breeze is all about. I just look at the soles of my feet with droopy eyes and wait with hopes that they do not bleed. Trembling sometimes I am when I cannot distinguish what to pursue between desire and practicality, between temporary and long defining period. Shall I leave all this to the fate and karma brothers? Somehow I think that the brothers do exist in some way for I believe I do not end up where I am purely by my decisions and choices that I made.

Now, why in the hell RedBox does not have Dong Li Huo Che - Na Jiu Je Yang Ba. My repetoire is seriously limited when my literacy level of chinese is somewhat around standard 1.

Thursday, September 09, 2004


Am I really poised to see, experience and attract mirabilia? All of the enigmatic awe and beguiling curiousity? I really don't know and I don't see how it's going to fall into place. Only time will tell. We shall see. Till then.

animal quiz

Your Animal is: Butterfly
You are a Butterfly! You are a rare one indeed! People view butterflies as beautiful and it is usually frowned upon to hurt one. You are caring and carefree. Almost everyone likes a butterfly!

I apologise for being so lame and even had to post something so ridiculous like this. Oh well, get yours here

Wednesday, September 08, 2004


Me: "Ini kan..bla bla bla...Saya kena..bla bla bla...So..bla bla bla..Ada lagi..bla bla bla"
(translation: This right..bla bla bla...I need to..bla bla bla..So..bla bla bla..There is still..bla bla bla)

Zealot: "So you nak saya ... lah?"
(translation: So you want me to ... right?)

Me: "Yeah, thanks"
*proceed to walk away with half the burden off my shoulders*

I shall not be the only peasant anymore. *grins*

Tuesday, September 07, 2004


It's quite frustrating when nail biting, nerve wrecking, pulsating experiences are often created by myself. In fact it felt nostalgic. I cannot help but to fear the devil in me. Argh. How useless.

Sometimes, I'm just simply amazed. ^_^!

Monday, September 06, 2004

cower before auntie's wrath

I easily get miffed and depressed from comments or whatever shit that came out from that damn auntie's mouth. She somehow has this exhorbitant evil aura surrounding her while emanating this to all from her face up to her words. I guess even rottweilers would whimper upon seeing her. An ultimate screwed up bitch yo. Sometimes, she just doesn't deserve to breathe. What is wrong with the people here I wonder.

Sunday, September 05, 2004


If you are bored with drinking liquor in your drinking games, try substituting liquor with wasabi paste. That has left me with a burning stomach and puke inducing moment which I had to sit down isolated and maintain control. haha.

When everything gets all tensed up, when my mind is just filled with chaotic emo wanderings, I tend to take a step back and shut down my body. Then again, when I reflect back it's quite beautiful in a way. It's fun to be stupid sometimes.