Saturday, July 23, 2005

Let me fly, 3734 miles away

Another 23 hours to go and I shall be at Kuala Lumpur.

This would be my third returning trip to date. And it is one which provided an overwhelming liberating feeling. Such it is, strangely so, for I did not quite felt it that way in my previous two trips. Perhaps, subconsciously, I feel liberated from this indescribable halo that has been plaguing my mind for far too long.

And I was right in my prediction months ago; that my gut feel was that things are getting worse. Whatever it was, I am glad that it had finally past. I had managed to pull myself through.

I shall not ponder for what shall be in the coming days from 5th of August. For now, as far as I am concerned, a break is what I deserve and need.

Friday, July 22, 2005

My income pegged away

Batigkh came by and talked to me in a soft and nice tone, almost samaritan like. This was after I had overrule the original plan and changed my flight ticket. Hypocrites ought to be shot.

I just got hold of the latest Ringgit unpegged news. It dawned on me that my income will be affected proportional in percentage terms to how much in percentage the Ringgit will appreciate against USD. This is because most of my income for now is paid in a currency which is still pegged to USD. And after a mock calculation, to my horror, a cut of 4 digits to my income is expected should the Ringgit appreciate by 10%. Wails!

Thursday, July 21, 2005

The day I nearly snapped

Those who know me will attest that I am a kind person and most often than not, I will extend a hand in helping them to the extent other people think I am being taken advantage of. When viewing in their perspective, it may be true to a certain extent, but this is who I am as a person and I am proud of having such virtue.

Today however, was a day I nearly snapped. I was fuming mad, looking at the side of myself and high up at the ceiling a couple of times when was asked if it's okay? This manipulation to his/their advantage at the expense of mine must stop. It is so sickening that I put my foot down to overrule the instruction using words which include 'must'.

I am convinced it is "batigkh" behind all these, masterminding all behind the screens with no courage to tell it in front of my face.

When banging tables seem not enough

It happened this morning and I eventually cool down. But after some incidents and unjustly news, my blood shot up again. Flustered to the degree wrecking furnitures around me seem very compelling.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Money over anything else

Looking at my colleague who was scrutinising the screen meticulously whilst losing himself in thoughts, I was reminded again how important and difficult it is to earn a living that enables him to provide his family a home and a car. And those were not even middle cost class to begin with. He was comparing the current loan rates and calculating which bank and package that would save him the most. At time same time, he keeps venting about having to waste some figure due to the higher rates he is bound to now and that it is time for him to refinance his property.

Whilst having a short chat with two friends back at KL and at HK earlier today, the topic was predominantly about money again. I told them I will strive on no matter how close I am to losing myself with this project. It is wiser in fact to carry on and hope that the duration of this project would prolong as much as possible. That simply translates into opportunity to print money which at least will have a profound effect to my life. And of course, needless to say, this is when all are viewed in the most optimistic way possible.

Sometimes, I think I am just confused with this conundrum of having to choose one over another. But I have the privilege to for now unlike many of my peers and I shall be an idiot to quit over it.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

My frustration and new book

It gets at me when it is finally time to get some rest, the air conditioner died on us. It has been two bloody days and the main switch still bloody trips. Windows are to no rescue when temperature outside at night are in the thirties.

It gets at me when workload of many falls on my shoulder. Sometimes certain work, such as moving furnitures, requires more than one person. Someone else should have understand that. I was livid and I had thumped and trashed the cardboxes that I was unpacking equipments from to relieve some of the anger seething inside.

On the bright side, I now have a copy of the much hyped latest Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince DIY style. A hundred bucks saved and unshamefully so.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Deprivation for life

Day 1 & 2: The last 35 hours had been the pinnacle of the horrendous stretch we had had to endure in realizing the expectations of a significant milestone. Puffy eyes and foggy heads are a norm amongst us all. This had been, fortunately, cushioned by a sinful but unintentional 13 hours of sleep. It was a much needed one. One that has provided a way out from the problems and the awful lot of work. Albeit momentarily, but sleep never ever felt so good. Teh was worried however about some metals in cardboxes that we took our pathetic catnaps on, that they could have suffered under our weight and be bent.

Day 3 & 4:Nothing is comparable to being able to nap the day away at 2.30 pm. What is utterly frustrating though, is realising upon waking up that we have got to be in the office by midnight for the next preparation.

I look ahead with the timeline in mind and found out to my dismay, that a drop of this vicious cycle is no where to be seen. And if I recall all that had past properly, the pattern strongly suggest it will be tougher. And before that comes, I can't wait for my next trip back.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

To be absorbed in one's thoughts

After going through some tough weeks and yet many more just lying days ahead, I am surprised of this sense of calmness that engulfed me. Possibly this moment of break was caused by the major disruption of network due to the relocation of hardware. I was feeling tired, nauseous, and this deep anguish in me of the bottomless pit of work, untimely eating schedule and lack of sleep.

I keep telling others when I finish this, I will go back and smile contently looking back what I had gone through. When viewing in an optimist eye, the effort and dedication that I had put in will also gain me in terms of a more polished resume, priceless experience, a more refined me and of course, a thick bank account. This is definitely a life changing milestone for me.

However, the days and challenges that I have to pull myself through rendered cynicism and the pessimist in me ever higher than before. I am convinced, people only see the outside. They are only concerned with the outcome, the final result. My peers would only see that I had made a big leap and had struck this pot of opportunity. However one likes to see it as such, I don't.

One without credibility of his own would not be presented with an opportunity of such in the first place. That is how I view it albeit falling into an egoistic manner.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

A trudge of angst

The temperature was freezing as I set foot into the government office this morning. After putting down my stuffs, I quickly went to the air conditioner room to turn it back up to 22 degrees from 16.

The following next two weeks' activities, task list and responsibility is out. Needless to say, it includes every damn day of the week. A slew of them all are in there including some major milestones of the projects. There isn't any buffer at all and we can't afford any slips. I hope we can pull this through lest it will be deadly a consequence. It is becoming more apparent that the others in the team is petering out and not coping up mentally as well.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Ok now click on that

I conducted an ad hoc training session today. Impromptu it was because we had anticipated it to be only a visit by the would-be workers and to have a look at their workplace and systems. Felt rather weird throughout as I am not used to such occasions where people listen attentively to my every word of instruction. Luckily no one asked me to speak louder as how often I would get one of those. As luck would have it though, I have got to run in and out to get the missing papers, cameras, batteries and dongles. Nevertheless, I think I carried myself okay and was fortunate that the participants was not fussy and did not dish out tons of complain. They will return here tomorrow morning and the top guy told me a new group will come the following week.

As expected, they were conversing among themselves in Arabic. It was rather tough and I could not catch any of them except for when they were complaining of the lack of shawarma and tea.

Respite in Moscow

I was driving across the night heading for my late dinner. The radio was playing crappy songs and the drive back seems automatic. I was looking at the distance and my mind was playing by itself about the things I have said recently, about my career, about money, about the people around me and back home, as well as the things at the back of my mind. The thoughts that weaved itself around slowly fades to nothingness when I suddenly realised I had driven back to the apartment instead. A blunder it was as if I had switched off the mind and consciousness.

I then made a U-turn and drove to Moscow. It is an obscure and hidden place which looks like a dodgy mamak in a shop lot with two old cranky air conditioners. They serve roti canai known as chapatti with curry chicken and chopped raw carrots, onions and unidentifiable greens known fondly to us as rumput. They always serve me tea with the nicest cup they have. A set of fork and spoon always come with my meal without asking. These are unusual to the other regular patrons which comprises of mostly construction workers or workers with very low pay as they prefer to eat with their bare hands and drink tea in small glasses.

I have always managed to enjoy my time there especially when visiting for a meal by myself. This is a respite that comes in the form of a simple meal with friendly service without the fanciness and hypocrisy of which I had to put up with on a daily basis.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Sheikh-y surprise check

Whilst composing a reply to an email this morning, I heard the door being opened and from the corner of my eye, I could barely make out a white figure. At that moment, typically I assumed it to be a Bahraini in their traditional Thoube and most probably would be that bloody long winded Shawqi. As such, I didn't bother to turn around and look and continue to type out the email.

"Hello there!" said the white figure.

The voice of his sound strangely familiar yet very much not so. I then turn around and was stunned for a second or two. It's the Sheikh for this project. He was asking about how are things going and finally a spine tingling question.

"Are we on schedule or are we not?" he asked.

He barged out soon after noticing me trying to avert his question of providing him an absolute one. I'm sure he went upstairs to hunt for the bastard who covers his own ass one too many times.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Oil < Water

I went to Siam Soup at Adilya for dinner yesterday evening. There's a supermarket called Rachanee selling many Thai stuffs nearby and not to mention got to hear many ke pai or ko ning chai loudly spoken everywhere. I realised I ordered fried kuay teow in Thai style which by the way, taste alot like Malay fried that came under the disguise of the bewildering Ka Raeh Pae Wan whatever I can't remember.

Sitting opposite me in a room with low tables and pillows like those in Japanese restaurants was 2 Thai girls. After finishing their meals, one of the fatter ones lift her shirt up a little and grab a handful of her pot belly with both hands. That's a darn sore and unfortunate sight!

The bill came to us later which left me baffled at the fact we were charged RM 8 for mineral water. It is true as they say; I can get 10 litres of petrol with the same amount in this weird country.